I'm still quite uncomfortable with speaking out, speaking to people and rather remain quiet. i rather write than speak. i rather do paper work than stand in front of a crowd or even talk to the people around me. it's not easy for me to talk, to be comfortable of who i am and how i express myself of being a person. the fear of stuttering in my speech, the fear of not being able to express out in proper language, the expectation of myself of having to speak well still lingers in my head.
it's at times when i dunno what i'm speaking. or rather when i speak, the thoughts dun formulate or juz dun click in my mind, and this could lead to kinda stuttering. i rmb when i was sharing at cell, the words juz couldn't formulate in mind fast enough and i couldn't put my words in sentences to express myself clearly... and sometimes this kind of thing put me down, and this fear of speaking juz creep in.
it's something that i sense that i muz grow from and learn from. it's a struggle i confess that at times when i speak, i become conscious of myself of how i express my being. and this verse : Moses said to the LORD, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." The LORD said to him, "...I will help you speak and will teach you what to say." - Exodus 4:10-12 (NIV) when i saw this verse at the side of my blog (the daily verse column) it triggered me to write the above.
and for whatever reason, i sense that im going to learn to be confident of speaking out. to speak out and express out myself, my feelings. seriously it's still kinda struggle but i guess im a better now... and that's maybe why i joined debates subconsciously (to improve my speaking skills as a person) and doing morning announcements help to overcome my fear. so i guess that im gonna learn to be confident to speak out, to speak about myself. and i guess it's a lifelong skill that im gonna learn. i rmb ps ong's prophesy 2 years back ' that i will think and speak at the same time'.... and though i din understand abt this then, i now understand why and God's gonna help me. and i believe im gonna get over this speech problem.
and juz now's radi8 was great! the video on e brooklyn church choir and the testimonies shown were great. it kinda stimulated in my heart something... about doing something. we may live as christians but showing it through actions is another. i guess i gotta learn to show it daily (like what Ps Wil said) ... not only through actions, but the daily things we do in our life. it all takes an effort. a thought-provoking session.
and thanks to adele for the muffins baked. though it was for derek's cell onli, there was one last muffin and i took it (feel jealous? haha). it's nice.
and supper was great with sherrilynn's randomness haha. and joshua, elisha , clarence, annika, amy n i were listening to the stories shared. it was a random convo talk . haha..
and F1 is here with promos in 2 days time. i guess F1 isn't gonna be a great decision with the vroom vroom sound. (i can't hear it anw unless i watch it on tv duh) . and well juz praying that God will guide n help me through e promos. juz committing it all to God.
cya !
ps. pls tag leh...